Big Pictures

As I write this, a man I love very much (a man that is a second father to me – my stepdad) lies dying in a hospital bed. I’m no stranger to grief. My first father (biological father) died in 2022. He died suddenly. My stepfather, Ray, has been slowly getting worse over the past few years, and now his time is nearing. To say that I’m heartbroken, yet again, is an understatement.

Helping my mother navigate the loss of the love of her life – her husband of over 41 years – isn’t easy either. She’s making the best decisions for him, but still feels like she’s failing him. She isn’t. But grief often comes with some guilt. Have I done enough? Did I love enough? Did I tell him I loved him often enough?

He never had biological children. He loved me and my brothers as though we were his own. He taught me to drive. He fished with my brothers. He attended every concert, play, and sporting event. He danced with me at my wedding.

And now I’m making cremation plans, writing an obituary, and looking into how his benefits will transfer to my mother. Death is a business, but it’s not one that is easily navigated when you’re the one grieving.

Loss is incredibly tough – whether sudden or something that you see coming a long time before it happens, and yes, even before the final breath.

Why am I sharing this?

I love WordPress. I live, eat, breathe, sleep, dream it. I love our community. My WordPress friends are true friends that have been there for me in times of celebration and in times of need and grief. It’s my career, my livelihood, my every day.

But it isn’t my everything.

Sometimes we have to take a step back and look a the big pictures in life. Is my heart breaking over what’s been happening in our community and our ecosystem? Yes. Absolutely. But is my heart breaking more for my mother? My family? Also yes. Absolutely.

If WordPress was taken away from me, I would grieve it deeply. And I sincerely hope that never happens. (You’re stuck with me, friends.) And as much as it is integrated into almost all of my life – it’s still not as dear as those family and friends that are so precious to me.

Remember that each of us has a life outside of WordPress. If you’re wondering why someone isn’t speaking up, think about the things that may be happening in their lives outside of the ecosystem.

Or maybe they just don’t have the words to describe their own grief. Maybe they’re still processing. And maybe, just maybe, they simply want to keep their thoughts to themselves. And that’s OK.