A Slow Disappearance

Some of you have noticed and asked me why I haven’t been posting on socials as much. And if I’m okay.

Yes, I’m better than okay. But I wasn’t for awhile. Just like Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future, I felt myself disappearing. Only I didn’t really pay attention to it.

You see, last year was a year of some incredible highs, and also some pretty deep lows. If I’m reflecting correctly, though, it went further back than just a year. Burnout (at least for me) was a very slow burn. It wasn’t a match that burned quickly and extinguished. It was a log pile that allowed tinder to collect under it, then waited for a spark to begin to smolder.

I didn’t see it coming. We think of the word “burnout” and picture a conflagration but it’s really a slow smoldering burn that we hardly notice until it’s almost too late.

For me, I would guess it started during the pandemic, or slightly before. I had just gotten divorced and moved out on my own for the first time in my life. My daughter was grown and on her own. I had room and time to be creative and do what I wanted. Then we hit lockdown. Then I bought a condo and moved again – during lockdown. (Yes, I was crazy for sure.)

COVID was hard on everyone. Absolutely. Of course it was hard on me, too. Living alone I only had phone calls, texts, and Zoom to keep me tethered to the outside world. Eventually the COVID cloud (kinda) lifted and life started progressing in a new normal.

Then my dad died. And part of me died with him. Anyone who has loved ones knows that people don’t leave our lives without taking parts of us with them, and leaving parts of them in our hearts. I weathered it. But only as good as anyone does. And I was still alone through it all.

Things started to get better again. And then my stepdad died. My mother was a wreck, and I stepped in to handle all of the arrangements. I also became her go-to for rides and needs that she couldn’t fulfill for herself. (Which isn’t always easy for someone with her own mobility issues.) Burnout rarely happens if you’re not also being pulled in directions by other people and expectations.

I also met a wonderful man, who has been amazingly good to me and who triggers happiness in my life. Even with him shouldering some of my burdens, things were still rough. (And might I remind you that even good things can be stressful. New relationships are awesome, but also bring stress no matter how wonderful they are.) Fitting him into my life was so much easier than I had expected. When he moved in, he brought a dog into my life. Max (the dog) immediately made me one of his people worth protecting. He’s also a great stress reliever. (He loves apples, so every apple I eat is shared with him. Nick, the man, is not an apple fan, so we’re good there.)

While I barely had started to function as “normal” again, I was laid off from my full-time job, merely thirteen hours after having returned from representing them at WCAsia in 2025. I was still jet-lagged. I hung up from that call and sobbed.

I also started a weigh-loss journey in 2025. Re-evaluating my relationship with food and getting medical support has been wonderful. It’s also really stressful, too. (You have no idea how much I love Ben and Jerry’s “The Tonight Dough ice cream.”) Losing over 60 pounds (so far) has also been incredibly good! I put on a bathing suit for the first time in years and went to an indoor water park!

My family had changed. My living situation had changed. My comfort/coping mechanism (food) had changed. My romantic life had changed. And now my job (my career) had changed.

Yet I still didn’t see the burnout happening.

I wasn’t in the head space to look for full-time employment. I knew that much. I knew I wouldn’t have succeeded at that point. I knew I was still struggling to find which way was up, and which direction to go next. Still, burnout never occurred to me, so I wasn’t watching for it or doing anything to help myself avoid it.

I was worried about becoming irrelevant in the WordPress community, so I started new endeavors, launched new sites, and started a weekly “Open Office Hours” call – which I love! The people who join that regularly have become really dear to me, and are really good at site feedback.

I also took on some amazing contract work. I really had fun with it and the teams I was working on. But contract work is terminal work. When those contracts ended, it felt like having been let go twice more within the year. (Even though it was by design, I didn’t anticipate the kind of emotion that it would trigger in me.)

I decided to take a semi-sabbatical from October through December. I continued to do work for Post Status to keep things running here. But I took some time off podcasting, and writing, and the other things I thought were causing me brain block (that’s like writer’s block, but for all things creative).

Then in December – a week before Christmas – I got sick. I mean, really, really sick. Influenza A took me down hard. It also caused terrible laryngitis that hung on for weeks (as did coughing). Once my immunity was struck by the flu, I ended up with pneumonia. And an ear infection. I didn’t even get to go out and celebrate New Year’s with my new love. [Sigh]

I had planned to end the semi-sabbatical in January, which clearly wasn’t happening. I convinced myself I had been sick and needed time to recover. So I moved that to February. Then March. Well, you get it.

Spoiler alert, though, sometimes when our brains don’t perceive we’re burning out, our bodies do. As a result you can get sidelined from doing more or even the bare minimum. I think all that illness actually worked FOR me to get the real rest I needed and find a path to move forward.

Out of Burnout and Into Productivity

I still had no direction for what to do for my next job. Or even if I would look for a job. I didn’t know even where to begin. I was feeling much better, I was still keeping things moving that needed to keep going. But I was also still floundering a bit.

Then in March of this year I was on a weekly phone call with one of my besties, Kathy Zant. Something she said (I honestly don’t remember what it was) triggered an idea. I started working on that. I even launched a new part of my business that I’m really excited about.

And with that, my spark – my motivation – has returned.

It feels amazing to be engaged again – to do more than walk from the bed to the couch to spend a day watching movies, game shows, true crime documentaries, and doing crossword puzzles.

My Burnout Learning Outcome

Fire is life. Fire is also destruction.

Just like with fire, the things that sustain us (which are also the things that can bring stress) need tending. You shouldn’t start a bonfire in your back yard, then walk away and go to the front yard and start the grill for dinner while the first one is raging. Or leave to walk the dog. Or go grocery shopping. You might burn a huge spot in your lawn, at best. You might just burn down the house.

We do that with our lives, though. With our careers. With our families. We focus so much on the minutiae too intently at times, that we miss the blazing, roaring fires that can bring destruction.

For me, I’m learning to say no more. I’m declining things that will bring more stress than reward. I’m making a list for future endeavors instead of trying to do them all at once.

And I’m keeping in touch with the people I love more, too.

What to Look For

Paying attention to the warning signs is so very important. They may be different for each of us, but there are some common symptoms we can watch out for.

From Prevention.com:

Physical burnout symptoms

We know mental and physical health to be connected, so physical signs that your stress meter is maxed out include:

• Headaches
• Changes in appetite
• Gastrointestinal issues
• Difficulty staying present in conversation
• Difficulty sleeping
• Chronic illness

Mental burnout symptoms

Mental signs that may be harder to spot are:

• Overworking
• Neglecting your personal needs
• Anxiety
• Irritability
• A sense of inner emptiness, hopelessness
• Imposter syndrome (a persistent feeling of inadequacy and fear that you can’t meet standards that you feel have been set)

It’s also important to have someone in your life to act as a touchstone for you, and to give credence to their feedback. You need someone who will be brutally (yet kindly) honest with assessing you from outside your own head. It’s so important to listen to that person and heed any warning signs they share with you. I am so grateful for my many friends who have lived through the last year with me – supporting me, bringing me soup when I was sick, helping me with things that overwhelmed me, and listening when I knew what I wanted to say. You know who you are and I’m forever your friend.

So…I’m Back

I’m back from my burnout. Tenderly, gingerly, with my eyes open, back. I’m here. Reach out any time. My wish for you is the same as my wish for myself – productivity without costing you…you.