Since being laid off in February, I’ve had a lot of conversations with others on both sides of layoffs.

It’s really hard to be in the tech job market (or any job market in this economy) right now, with so many recent layoffs. As someone in the mix of it right now (and I haven’t been looking that earnestly yet, as I’ve been taking some time to regroup, heal from feelings through the process, and decide what my next steps are) I understand the mental burden, the anxiety, and the fear that comes with being on the job market.

I am privileged to be in a place financially that has afforded me some time off as I strategize. Others are not as fortunate and need to find work immediately to keep paying bills and putting food on the table for their families. It’s not easy, for sure.

But it’s also not easy for those at the companies doing layoffs who are still employed there. There are so many feelings that come with being a “layoff survivor.” Yet to talk about those feelings seems so insensitive to those who are job searching like crazy, right?

The thing is, it’s hard on both sides of the issue.

While on the one hand, clearly, it’s difficult to be in a place where you’re suddenly looking for new employment, desperately trying to make sure you spend wisely to get you through to your next job, the truth is that it’s mentally difficult to be a survivor, too.

Sitting where I am at the moment, polishing my résumé, reading through job posts, it could (or should) be difficult to have sympathy for those working, but I’ve been in both places. I’ve been the person still in the company watching friends and colleagues suddenly wondering what to do next, and I’ve been where I am now.

Survivor’s Guilt is Real. So is Dread.

It really doesn’t feel good when your employer has to do layoffs – even when you are one of the people still employed.

• You may feel guilty when you see others being laid off and you’re still holding your job. This is a normal response in this situation. It’s difficult to see coworkers and friends lose their roles. Feeling bad for them is normal. It’s also normal to feel a sort of survivor’s guilt that you still have your role.
• You may also feel the dread of “waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Feeling like it could be you next causes anxiety. This is also a normal feeling. Anything that disrupts the status quo of your working environment – real or virtual – can make you feel off-kilter at best, and dread at worst.

Layoffs usually happen when there is a surplus of workers for the demand, mostly based on sales. So feeling the dread of wondering if you will be included in the next wave of layoffs (or wondering if there will be a next wave) is very normal. And while there aren’t any words anyone can give you to make you feel 100% secure, you should know that a wave of layoffs isn’t a whim, and is planned well in advance to combat issues that have been rising over time, so if your job is still in place following layoffs, you should be fairly confident that you will continue to be employed.

It’s also common after layoffs to have workloads redistributed, so you may feel some dread or anxiety if your workload is increased. Be sure to communicate with your supervisor what is actually doable, and what is too much to expect one person to accomplish. A company’s decision to do layoffs shouldn’t mean that those still working are taxed with more work than they can handle.

How to Talk to Someone Who Has Been Laid Off

First, please do talk to those you want to remain friends (or friendly) with after they have been removed from their roles. Being laid off can feel like you’ve just been evicted from a home. You’ve often lost access to either a physical space you’re used to, or a digital one, or both.

Not being in Slack channels with people you worked with, losing access to email and calendars, and watching access to work spaces disappear feels like you’ve been excommunicated from a community, when it’s really just a business protecting its own assets and following protocols. Reaching out to folks after the fact can help bridge the gap they feel between themselves and people they were used to working with.

Do’s and Don’ts

• Do ask friends how they are doing and if they need to chat. Reaching out to check in, to say you enjoyed working together, or just to say you miss someone is a lovely way to stay connected.
• Don’t ask them “have you found a job yet” or “how is the job search going.” This often feels like pressure, and having to say “no, I haven’t” feels bad. There is so much self doubt at this point in a person’s life, that added pressure by others about the job just feels oppressive and embarrassing.
• Do offer to take them to coffee (or a coffee zoom) and be a listening ear.
• Don’t badmouth the company or allow them to make you feel uncomfortable if they do.
• Do offer to help if you can: review a résumé, make a call, serve as a reference, etc.
• Don’t take anything they’ve shared with you back to the office to repeat to others. Don’t betray their trust.
• Do offer reassurance, without sounding trite. Saying things like “I know you’ll land something soon,” or “you’ll be fine” aren’t helpful.
• Nice, but not necessary, you can always gift someone a gift card for coffee, a meal, or something they enjoy as a hobby. (When I received a few of these, they made me feel valued, seen, and supported.)

Protect Your Mental Health

Regardless of who was laid off in your company, none of their current situation is based on anything that you did or didn’t do.

Leaning into guilt, anxiety, and dread doesn’t help someone else, and only hurts yourself, your mental wellbeing, and, potentially, your work performance.

If you are struggling with your mental response to layoffs at your company, please find a trusted person, therapist, or doctor to talk to.

If You Have Been Laid Off…

There are resources to help you. You can refer to our post about layoff resources for many areas of help, including job boards, résumé ideas, networking groups and more.

Remember that you aren’t alone. You have value. You deserve to work.

There are people and resources to help you navigate to your next role.